


Sherlock Holmes Friday Fives Collection

by celestialteapot



Category: Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle
Genre: Friday Fives, Gen, Humour, Lists, M/M, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-17
Updated: 2012-07-17
Packaged: 2017-11-10 04:52:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/462395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celestialteapot/pseuds/celestialteapot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Several years ago the Holmesslash Discussion List on Yahoo! had weekly 'Friday Fives'. I went through my replies and picked out the ones I enjoyed the most. Variety of pairings and silliness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sherlock Holmes Friday Fives Collection

**Author's Note:**

> A fond memory of the Holmesslash Discussion List (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/holmesslash/), if you want to browse through the rest of my Fives, they can be found here - http://sherlock2040.livejournal.com/tag/fives

**Five reactions Mycroft had upon reading Watson's description of him as "corpulent" and "massive". (The first reaction caused Watson to leave town for a few days, just to be on the safe side.)**  
  
1\. Corrected Watson's spelling and then returned the manuscript first class without any other word.  
2\. Vowed to start taking some exercise... next week perhaps, when the weather is better.  
3\. Cried miserably and then went on a binge eat & purge.  
4\. Wrote a scathing review of Watson's work in the local newspaper, Watson cried for a week afterwards and Sherlock wasn't sure who he should comfort.  
5\. Started 'Weight Watches'.  
  
 **Five amusing things that happened at the local fair. ("Mrs. Hudson will never let you keep it, dear chap...")  
**   
1\. Holmes won a piglet.  
2\. Watson fell over in the mud and squashed his lemon meringue pie.  
3\. Lestrade won best costume... except he hadn't entered the fancy dress competition nor was he wearing a costume.  
4\. Mycroft got stuck in the revolving barrier. He made the local paper.  
5\. They found that Moran had been sentenced to community service and was doing his bit by making amusing balloon animals for children.  
  
 **Five times Holmes got caught crying. (The first time it happened, Watson didn't know what to do. He learned, though.)  
**   
1\. When he reached the end of the particularly soppy book he was reading. Watson casually passed him a tissue.  
2\. Mrs Hudson caught him after Watson announced his marriage. They had a good cry together.  
3\. After his stuffed mouse was irreparably damaged.  
4\. Just after Lestrade told him everyone at Scotland Yard respected him, Watson gave him a giant bear hug.  
5\. When Mycroft told him he was very proud of his little brother.   
  
**Five reasons Mycroft was expelled from school. (It was for the best, really.)  
**   
1\. Five year olds should not be teaching advanced applied mathematics.  
2\. He preferred to remain in one room and the lessons come to him.  
3\. He organised the entire schools paperwork down to the minute detail, not only can no one find anything but the secretary has since been committed to an asylum.  
4\. The teachers refused to teach him and the other pupils were terrified of him.  
5\. The event that is now known as the Chocolate Cake Disaster, a memorial is held every year.  
  
 **Five things that happened under the mistletoe. (The what and to whom are up to you...!)  
**   
1\. Lestrade truly understood the meaning of Christmas when he got exactly what he wanted in the form of a very drunk Hopkins.  
2\. Holmes threw a bucket of water over Mrs Hudson and Mycroft.  
3\. Bert waited there for several hours until the hamster took pity on him.  
4\. Holmes cried after Watson kissed him.  
5\. A very confused Easter Bunny turned up muttering something about time vortexes and how it shouldn't have drunk from the little bottle labelled 'drink me'.  
  
 **Five things Young!Sherlock caught Young!Mycroft doing in the hayloft. (Mycroft never lived down the third thing)  
**   
1\. Gorging himself on cream cakes.  
2\. Looking after kittens ("If you promise not to tell anyone I'll let you have one when they are old enough.")  
3\. Getting a bit frisky with the vicar's daughter (Sherlock promptly told everyone... People in the village  still  bring it up)  
4\. Dancing around in his mothers clothes (Sherlock was also known to do this.)  
5\. Crying.   
  
**Five horrible birthdays. (Young character of your choosing)  
**   
1\. They had a clown at Lestrade's 5th birthday party, unfortunately the guest of honour turned out to be terrified by them and spend the entire time hiding in the wardrobe crying.  
2\. Sherlock upset everyone at his 3rd birthday party by deducing what was in all the parcels, then the other children refused to play with him as their parents thought he was possessed by the devil.  
3\. Everyone forgot about Mycroft's 8th birthday.  
4\. No one bought Hopkins the detective kit he wanted, he got a train set instead. Hopkins sulked for weeks.  
5\. The magician made Watson's puppy vanish, horrified Watson screamed and flung himself at the guy... after a brief struggle the magician was forced to reveal it was only pretend and he hadn't made anything disappear.  
  
 **Five pets in the Holmes household. (Mycroft was particularly fond of the third one)  
**   
1\. The cat that hated everyone except Sherlock.  
2\. A very fat springer spaniel.  
3\. The mouse that lived in the sofa, it'd pop out whenever Great Aunt Winnifred was around giving her a fright and caused her to react in a way that was certainly not fitting a woman of her advanced years.  
4\. Mycroft's box of spiders that he used to torment poor Sherlock.  
5\. A rabbit that mysteriously went missing one day. It officially became Sherlock's first case which was solved with horrific consequences when mother announced that they were having rabbit stew.   
  
**Five bedtime stories Young!Mycroft told Young!Sherlock. (Young!Sherlock refused to eat for a week after the first story)  
**   
1\. "The illustrated journey of your dinner from your stomach and through your large intestine..."  
2\. "What happens to annoying younger brothers who bother their older brother during their personal time."  
3\. "The story of the tax return."  
4\. He didn't bother, he'd just read the newspaper aloud to him thus sparking Sherlock's life long love for the agony column.  
5\. "A Treatise on the Binomial Theorem"  
  
 **Five things that happened when Mycroft's twins stayed the weekend with Uncle Sherlock and Uncle John. (Rent at B St now comparable to rent in Los Angeles, circa 2008)  
**   
1\. Watson was reduced to a quivering wreck One Holmes is bad enough but  three ?!  
2\. Too many questions were raised as to how Mycroft came to be a father. This caused a rift in the fabric of time/space, Mrs Hudson hasn't been the same since the teapot started singing the National Anthem.  
3\. Lestrade threatened to resign.  
4\. The twins deduced everything that was going on within thirty seconds of walking through the front door.  
5\. You don't want to know. Really. I'm serious.  
  
 **Five things that happened when Mycroft borrowed the time machine to go back to his youth to "fix a few things". (He still doesn't know how the second thing happened.)  
**   
1\. Lost a few hundred pounds.  
2\. Became the mother of five very fluffy kittens.  
3\. Added several extra meal times to the day.  
4\. Sherlock turned into a slug.  
5\. He spent an humiliating afternoon being prodded, poked and paraded about in a zoo on Alpha Centuri after he went forwards in time rather than backwards.   
  
**Five things Holmes did with a ball of twine, candle wax, and the hairbrush. (Poor Hopkins still shivers when he lights a candle...)  
**   
1\. Demonstrate his flexibility.  
2\. You've not lived until you've seen 'Hound of the Baskervilles' shadow puppet style. (It had to be aborted when Hopkins started screaming.)  
3\. Construct an elaborate self-grooming device.  
4\. Tricked Watson into thinking he'd used a hedgehog.  
5\. Proved that if left without food for 24hrs, Mycroft will eat anything.  
  
 **Five gifts Holmes really wanted as a child, but never received. (It's why he hates mittens)  
**   
1\. He'd always wanted a pet, a cat preferably but then Mycroft told him that they make mittens out of kittens and traumatised him for life.  
2\. A hug.   
3\. The deluxe sewing kit, he was still in his 'I want to be a seamstress!' phase.  
4\. A detective kit with magnifying glass.   
5\. A cello.  
  
 **Five gifts H &W gave Mycroft for his birthday. (He still blushes over the third thing)  
**   
1\. A kitten. (Mycroft rather creatively named it 'Cat' and tried to teach it not to knead his crotch at 5am in the morning)  
2\. A bottle of the best brandy, to replace the one Sherlock drank last time Watson announced a marriage.  
3\. A photograph of Mrs Hudson wearing stockings, suspenders and a corset with one foot on a chair and a whip in her right hand.  
4\. A gift certificate for a five course meal for one at Simpson's on the Strand.  
5\. A book of really really difficult mathematical problems.   
  
**Five things that happened to Lestrade when he got drunk. (Number two may be the reason he'll always be an inspector...)  
**   
1\. He found himself married, with three children and living in small flat in Islington... Oh wait...  
2\. He asked the Chief Inspector when the baby was due, then kissed him passionately on the lips whilst copping a feel. Then singing loudly about the size of the Chief Inspector's Little Inspector before passing out in reception and having an unfortunate trouser incident.   
3\. He was transported aboard a Vogon constructor ship, had a translating fish put in his ear, forced to listen to some poetry before being put into an airlock and booted off the ship. He woke up four days later with one hell of a headache, holding a towel and wondering what the strange wiggling thing in his ear was.  
4\. He wrote a series of bestselling novels.  
5\. He stripped naked and presented himself to Gregson, holding the chocolate body paint that had been confiscated earlier that day from an accountant in Whitehall. 


End file.
